Posted by: aronmwrites | July 30, 2008

Into the closet (for the moment)?

It seems as though it’s time for me to write something a bit more personal here.

But I’m not going to.

I’ve recently realized that I have some personal things to take care of in my private life before I continue to broadcast this process on the internet.  Whatever this process is or becomes.  To some extent, this is a strange thing to say, because I realize that I haven’t been writing too much about my personal life on here lately anyway.  However, for those reading exclusively for transition-related updates, rather than my running commentary on LGBT news and events, my blog may become a bit dull for awhile.

This does not mean that I’m unwilling to discuss any of these details privately – offline and off record.   If you already have my contact information (email, cell, what have you), feel free to call me to chat it up.  If not,  post a comment and I’ll get the information to you.

I’m taking a step back from all of this until I figure out some career/life path decisions that must be made before I decide whether or not to move forward on this front.  Not that I’d decided to transition yet – obvious because that’s the process I had hypothetically hoped to work through somewhat publicly here – but even public discussion of these decisions needs to take a back seat for the moment.  I had previously thought that I was happy and ok with limiting my career options by making gender decisions that society does not fully endorse (and I may have already irrevocably limited them in that and other ways), but this turned out to be desperately wrong.  Until I know that I’ve already screwed myself over, so to speak, or I decide that I’m wholly ok with the decision I’m making… I won’t be posting about that part of my life here.

I wish this weren’t the case, mostly because I’m absolutely certain that other gender questioning and gender variant people must be running into the same kinds of questions as they start down this path.  I’ve found great comfort and help in reading the online thoughts of the community at times that an offline community is unavailable.  Aside from allowing friends inside to know what’s happening in my life, I’d hoped this might eventually serve as a resource for other gender variant, genderqueer, gender non-conforming, etc., people that might be considering more traditional options in the transgender community, but were feeling excluded or uncertain as to whether the transition path fit them (I’m obviously still not sure it fits me).

Well, that’s enough for now.  I need to get to work.  I may write a little more on this here – and regardless, keep checking back, because I have no idea how long this hiatus will last (a week, a month, a year.. who knows?).  Many thanks to all.

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Responses

  1. I love you 🙂

  2. Drop me a line, hon?

  3. Nari: I love you, too 🙂 And thank you.

    Madeline: Of course. Will you be in Sacto for the reunion this weekend, by the by?

  4. I can understand needing to put something on the back burner for a while. Take your time. Things will fall into place when they need to. Sometimes when we overthink things, we make them more complicated than they need to be. 😉

    Best of luck!

  5. Jacky: Thinking about your comment, I realized that I should actually look at this more as a step to the side than a step back. Thanks!

    Oh, and I love your WordPress user icon.

  6. ::Hugs::

    In some respects, I know what you mean. When I was younger, I was certain I’d want to run for office. Now, I’m likely never to be able to. There’s stuff on the record and on video (oh, horrors! 🙂 ) that would never allow me to do that. I was okay with that at the time, and I still am. But recently, it’s made me a little sad, and a little worried about other things too.

    I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I’m sorry I couldn’t see you when you were up north! Let’s chat soon, and find a weekend or something where we can connect. I’d really really like that.

  7. Jess: *hugs and nods* We should talk. Let’s set a time via email to call soon.


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